Clean Bill of Health and Parenthood

I had my six-week post-partum appointment yesterday. I have a clean bill of health. It's kind of sad for me, really. It feels like I'm closing a chapter of my life. I'm officially not pregnant anymore. I mean, I haven't been pregnant for six weeks now, but something feels different and final now. And I miss it. And I'm sad that this may have been my last pregnancy. Even though I have four children now, I never wanted to have just one pregnancy (well, two, but the first one doesn't count in this sense).. I never thought I'd have three at once. I never thought this was how I would build my family. I don't want this to have been my last chance. And if I were a fertile myrtle, it would be easy to say, "well, okay, so if you get pregnant again, so be it, and that'll be great." But we all know it's just not that easy. So I know a lot of you are rolling your eyes that I have four kids and I'm not satisfied, and some of you probably think that this is just postpartum hormones, but I don't think it is. I'm sleep deprived, overwhelmed, can barely imagine handling another infant right now, but I long for the experience again.

Today would have been an easy day for me to say that I never want to go through this again. I was supposed to take J to school, which would have meant piling the triplets and J into the van and getting him up to school. This doesn't sound so hard, until you consider that all the babies have to be fed, changed, and put into car seats before they can be brought out to the car. Add that to the fact that J has to be changed, fed, and clothed and his lunch had to be made. Oh, and then there's the fact that Sam was up ALL NIGHT. He will NOT stop eating. He just keeps going and going. He woke up screaming with hunger at 2am (an hour before I expected him to wake up) and nursed from 2-4:45 when my husband took him away and gave him a bottle so that I could get some sleep. He wasn't just using me as a pacifier either, because he was really hungry and he would scream bloody murder if he unlatched, and he wouldn't take a regular pacifier. He was still hungry even after the bottle. He whimpered and whined for an hour and a half until he started screaming at 6:45 begging for food. So I nursed him until almost 9am when I gave up and gave him a bottle and he was STILL hungry. Meanwhile, I had three other kids to take care of, and I had decided that the four year old wasn't going to make it to preschool since none of us were dressed, fed or ready to go.

Today is the first day I have felt completely overwhelmed. But I STILL miss pregnancy. I still want to have another baby someday, even if people think I'm greedy for saying so.

Anyway, odds are good Sam's just going through a ginormous growth spurt. Babies apparently go through growth spurts approximately every 3 weeks, and he's six weeks old exactly today, so it makes sense, right? Apparently this should "only" last 2-3 days. Which would be totally manageable if he were a singleton, but hey, did I mention that there are TWO OTHER BABIES and a four year old to take care of? But this shall pass, right? Oh, and a friend of mine came and picked up J and took him to preschool an hour and a half late, but he got there regardless. Thank heavens. So the day is looking up, and I can do this. Parenthood certainly has its challenges, but I can do this, right? RIGHT?