Monday, February 11, 2008

My Place in the Blogosphere (Updated)

I've been contemplating the fate of this blog of mine... whether it really belongs here or not, in more ways than one. First, there's the simple question of whether I should stick with Blogger or move to Typepad or WordPress. I loathe WordPress, but I like that you can password protect individual entries, so it's tempting, though I'm entirely too lazy to make it happen anytime soon. Typepad is even more tempting, though I'm not sure I'm willing to fork over the cash to blog, since, well, this is, in essence, a useless pastime of mine. Mostly, I think I should switch to TypePad, but I've been saying that for two years, so my guess is that I'll be sticking with Blogger for the moment.

But the more pressing question is whether this blog even belongs here at all, in its present form. I don't know what my place in the blogosphere is anymore, and I know in some ways, I don't fit in and I never have... I never entirely fit the mold of a good and proper infertility blogger... I had primary infertility, but I had a foster son, so I wasn't a childless primary infertile, so I wasn't going through your typical primary infertility experience. On the other hand, I wasn't exactly going through secondary infertility either, was I? Still, I found my place in the infertility blogosphere, one way or another. And then I became one of "those people"... one of those bloggers who wrote about "pregnancy after infertility" and then "pregnancy loss after infertility" and then "pregnancy with higher order multiples after pregnancy loss after infertility". And now I'm a Mother of Multiples (MoM for short). And like many MoM's, I am parenting my multiples after experiencing infertility, so my life isn't JUST about the experience of parenting multiples. My perspective will forever be tainted with the infertility glasses. Some women move past infertility, but I don't think I ever will. Particularly since, crazy as it sounds, I want more kids and I know I can't "just" decide to have more.

But where do I fit? I hesitate sometimes to comment on infertility blogs these days, because do you really want a MoM commenting on your blog? (I don't know, I mean, really? Do you?) But I feel just as out of place on just plain parenting blogs (unless they're about parenting after infertility or about triplets or whatever...there has to be some common bond).

In some ways the name "My Perky Ovaries" isn't right anymore, except in other ways, it's more right than ever.

So what do I do? Do I stay here? Do I change my blog name? Do I make it more of a parenting blog? Do I stick with the whole infertility thing? (Considering that I plan to return to the fertility clinic for another round of fertility hell no later than the end of this year or beginning of next year, my guess is I'm sticking with the infertility thing) Do I start a whole new all-inclusive blog? Do I keep this blog for the infertility musings and start a separate parenting blog? Is that too much work? Do my infertile friends mind reading about my kids? Do I just realize that on some level we all hope and pray that someday ALL of us stirrup queens are writing about our kids so we can't ALL sit around being bitter about the kids that result from all these treatments? I don't know, maybe we can.

I think moving or abandoning this blog would be a bit on the tragic and somewhat melodramatic side. I get about 5,000 pageloads per week... about 3500 unique visitors per week... visitors from about all over the world. These are facts and figures that astound me, and surprise me whenever I see them on my statcounter summary. But they are there, every week, confirmed all the time. So... what to do.

Maybe I should just retire from this whole blogging business all together. I haven't been much of a good blogger anyway. But I'd be sad to leave my blog. Too sad, I think. So I don't think you'll luck out and be rid of me just yet. But for tonight, that's all you're getting out of me. I'm just too tired to be eloquent, even though I have far too much to say about the blessings in my life. It's been a long couple of weeks, and all the exhaustion of the last couple of months is finally catching up to me.

Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.

Update:
Thanks for all your kind comments. I really wasn't trying to fish for compliments, but gosh, you all gave me lots of warm fuzzies. I don't think it's likely that I would actually stop blogging all together (Jess would KILL me!). I started my blog for me and only me, and if other people happen to read it, well, I find it amusing that anyone else would be interested in this dull life of mine, but I'm flattered. But I sometimes worry that I give a false impression of myself by passing this off as an infertility blog (what with the title and all), when I've got four kids (though, obviously, I fought hard for all of my children, including my foster son). But to discard the infertility label all together... well, that seems just as disingenuous. So anyway, here I will stay, and I'll post about... well, whatever. And you'll read it or you won't. And maybe I'll switch blogging services (most likely to Typepad), but I probably won't, because, you know, I've been threatening to move over to Typepad for, oh, two years now and I'm just too lazy and I don't want to have my archives scattered between two blogs and I'm too stupid to have a manual back up of my blog (which I really ought to do at some point, don't you think?). But the bottom line is, the Perky Household isn't likely to go anywhere, so you're stuck with me for the moment.

29 comments:

Lea Bee said...

i say: go nowhere :)

My Reality said...

You can call yourself an infertile, parenting after infertility a MoM or whatever you want. I call you my friend. I don't know what you should do about this blog - be it stay here or move elsewhere, but whatever you do, I hope to still be able to follow along.

Erin said...

I just want to be able to continue hearing about your life with four beautiful children and (hopefully) more. If you go elsewhere, I hope you'll allow us to follow--I would very much miss you.

Shelby said...

Please don't go away! If you move, definitely let us know where you're moving to. And I think you should absolutely keep up! Reading about your four little ones, and MoM challenges, has been so inspiring.

littleangelkisses said...

I don't fit in either. I love to read your blog so please don't disappear! I wouldn't mind a MoM after IF commenting. I think the more varied opinions and perspectives you get the better...makes you think more!

Michelle said...

I say who cares about blogging categories - you are what you live. You are a MoM - but also just a Mom. And a good writer. And you have a very unique & interesting life that many people obviously enjoy reading about!

So just go ahead & do what makes you happy!

Michelle said...

PS - I should say, I am a Mom who has a twinless twin (our babies both had Down Syndrome), and we have a teenager with autism who has ovarian cancer, and a 4 year old son.

What category do I fit into?!

I think that's the secret to blogging - it's so interesting & compelling to see what makes everyone unique, and yet the same.

Jamie said...

Honestly, your place is right here. The name is how you got here... and will define what happens in the future. Yes, you (and your blog) have gone through a lot of stages but that is why you are so popular -- you can relate to a lot of people. :)

illahee said...

i love your blog just as it is, but if you do decide to move, i hope i still get to read it!

Karina said...

you can't! we'd miss you. . . and think of all the people you've helped through similar situations. you have a unique circumstance & a unique point of view. and you rock!

Rachel Inbar said...

I totally don't fit in... I did go through 13 years of infertility & do have 3 children born by IVF, but I'm now expecting my 6th... I also wonder about it, but I think that we're just who we are and we don't need to fit into any category. If people want to read, they're welcome & if not, there are plenty of other blogs...

I like to think that I'm showing the after side of infertility... and that it is nice to see that there are plenty of people who do go on to have the family they always dreamed about, despite infertility.

Thalia said...

I dunno about this categorisation thing, I say your blog is yours, to write about your life, and we'll all move it around in our bloglines as necessary. Keep on writing sweetie, so long as it's something which is therapeutic for you.

whattoexpect said...

"You can't leave. All the plants will die."

I would cry if you stopped blogging. It would likely make me vomit again. So, not to threaten, but keep that in mind.

Furthermore, I wouldn't worry about where you fit it. What matters is that you do - fit in, that it. We adore you.

And no, at least this infertile never minded seeing baby pics. I love em in fact. It gave me strength to keep going when I was cycling and it gives me strength to keep eating when I want to curl up in a ball and give up.

Move or rename if you must, but I like you just the way you are.

Anonymous said...

Hi. Long time reader, first time poster here. I just wanted to let you know how missed you would be if you did decide to pull up stumps and leave the blogosphere. I don't know you - we live half a world away from each other, so I doubt I ever will know you - but I love reading your posts, following your story. Now that you finally have these three bundles of joy in your arms, I would be so sad if I never got to find out how the story continues ^_^ That's perhaps the more selfish extreme for wanting you to continue, and on the other side of the coin is knowing what's best for you: whether blogging is a joy or a burden to you, something you enjoy or knuckle down to after a long and tiring day. And how much you gain from having the online community as a support.

As to the way you want to "categorize" the blog into something about infertility/parenting multiples... I would say, create your own category! I don't think they necessarily need to be mututally exclusive... and although I can't speak for your other readers, the main reason I visit your blog is to hear about your story, whatever that involves. Right now it's parenting multiples, and that's a lot of fun, but when you've got issues with infertility on your mind, hey that's cool too.

So I guess what I'm saying is that the blog doesn't have to neatly slot into any category to be worthwhile. And I hope you'll continue blogging for a long time to come. Thanks for the chance to let you know how much *this* anonymous reader enjoys your blog :)

Cherie said...

Please don't go away.

I've wondered the same issues regarding my blog.

I say, embrace what your blog already is and run with it!

The Dunn Family said...

I totally get where you are coming from. I actually recently had a post about how I hesitate to comment on blogs unless they are pregnant/or parenting. I get nervous leaving a comment on a blog where the writer is TTC and then they click on the link to my blog and see my twins.

But I agree that although my blog is a whole lot of "Here are my babies" there is always the undercurrent of infertility. So I feel like this is where I belong. And I don't know if I will ever do treatment again to have more babies, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, if I start going through it again. Stay where you are lady, I like to read about your whole family.

Anonymous said...

Please don't stop blogging! I'm an infertile and I still love reading about your kids. Your approach to life really helps me.

- Another DC Karen

In Search of Morning Sickness said...

Gosh, this is hard to address. Because everyone will feel differently about it.

Let me just say, I GET what you're saying. For example, even though I was only pregnant 6w5d, I felt totally guilty and akward about blogging. Even now, with my husband gone, and so nothing TTC related to write about, I feel kind-of strange in the IF community. And yet, it's the people and not the circumstance that matters to us. We all started from similar places...

I am thrilled your precious triplets are now born and I get to hear about their little lives and your peaks & pitfalls in nursing, working, etc. You've had a long hard road to get here. And honestly, after Mary Ellen's loss recently with her triplets, I know I could want nothing more for her than to have gone to deliver healthy babies like you did. You are what we are ALL striving for, and what we ALL want to see our other IF sisters experience. Success. Whatever it looks like (adoption, surrogacy, donor sperm/egg, IVF, IUI, Clomid, whatever!).

And I also am keenly aware that while you're so in love with your triplets and your son J, you also desire to experience a normal singleton pregnancy... and that might be really difficult... even requiring IVF just to make sure only ONE is in there. So there's no way we can sit back here and assume your struggle is over or that you've arrived. You might really need support with IF stuff again.

I know IF has changed me forever. Somtimes it feels like for bad, but mostly I don't want to forget WHERE I came from, and what it took to get a family. Leaving the community would in ways be that.

I like the Perky Ovaries title... It's You. That's how you got triplets on IUI, sweetie!!!

So, please know I'll always be reading, whatever you do or wherever you go. So remember that even if there are half your readers you lose in your MoM blogging, you'll keep half that really care about you.

cat said...

You don't know, but I just felt I had to chime in here. I have a son and am pregnant with #2. However, I'll always consider myself an "infertile" given the path I had to take to (G_d-willing) have 2 kids and the fact that if I wanted more I'd have to go through the whole ART song and dance again. I don't remember how I came across your blog, but I follow you because I so admire your strength, tenacity, and eloquence. As a working Mom I also incredibly respect (and understand your ambivalence about) your decision to go back to work. I too am in a field in which leaving temporarily is not really an option (not to mention that I'm currently the primary bread-winner). I think there are positives and negatives to every decision, and I try to focus on what I and my family are gaining from my working. Anyway, I look forward to continuing to following your (and your family's) journey. Thank you...

cat said...

Sorry, meant "you don't know ME"

Matt and Amberly Collins said...

I am a fairly new reader...one struggling with infertility. For some reason (that I cannot for the life of me explain), it brings me so much hope to read about 20 different blogs of women that struggled like me and are now enjoying their beautiful babies. I can't comment on where you belong, or where you will feel most comfortable, but I can comment on how much I enjoy reading your blog. I might not have found you if you weren't "labeled" with infertility. Regardless, thanks for the hope and joy you bring me with every post...

In and Out of Luck said...

I know what you mean with the identity crisis, but I like reading you so keep us updated no matter what rubric you end up under! Also I'm sorry Ellie lost 4 ounces, I hope she gains them back quickly.

Malky B. said...

Keep posting Karen. You are who you are don't worry so much where you fit in. We all enjoy reading what you want to share.

The Milk Maid said...

Wow- I'm glad there is someone out there traveling the "Where to I belong" blog road with me. I say write for you! Easier said than done sometimes, huh?

The Town Criers said...

I'm glad you decided ultimately to stay. I see MoM (in your case) as just another piece of the whole. You're IF, you're MoM, you're so much more :-) And your blog is your own and should just continue as such--either here or at Typepad. I think, in most cases, people are interested in the writing and ideas and the person and not truly on where they are at that particular moment in the larger sense.

pam said...

don't you dare stop blogging. that's all.

chicklet said...

As someone who started reading you just when you found out you were having triplets, I've enjoyed watching the progression. I really feel infertiles, whether pregnant, with kids, or still trying, are always infertiles, so you do belong here. And I'd welcome you commenting on my blog - I take no offense to you having kids and me not. You know what the struggles are like, and you see the other side, which is sometimes helpful for those of us still on this side of it.

chicklet said...

As someone who started reading you just when you found out you were having triplets, I've enjoyed watching the progression. I really feel infertiles, whether pregnant, with kids, or still trying, are always infertiles, so you do belong here. And I'd welcome you commenting on my blog - I take no offense to you having kids and me not. You know what the struggles are like, and you see the other side, which is sometimes helpful for those of us still on this side of it.

Abby said...

Glad to hear you are not going anywhere. I have always enjoyed reading your blog... and want to keep hearing about you and the triplets! So keep bloggin on :)