I don't curse a lot in my blog, if you haven't noticed. In real life I curse like a sailor's daughter (appropriate, since my dad was a submariner), but in the blogosphere, not so much. But honestly, I don't know what else to title this post. I've been trying to write it all day, but I just can't. So instead of really writing the full-blown story of what transpired, here are the basic important details:
July 5 cervix length: 4+ centimeters
July 11 cervix length: 3+ centimeters
July 16 cervix length: 1.5-2.3 centimeters (variable... apparently I have a "dynamic" cervix, which isn't quite the compliment that it sounds like)
Today, for the first time, I didn't hear about the fact that I would have a scheduled c-section at 34 weeks. Today I heard a new, and extremely frightening phrase: "We are hoping to get you to 28 weeks. Every week beyond that is bonus."
So I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone with my foul language, but I truly don't know WHAT to say other than FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Fuck
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48 comments:
FUCK FUCK FUCK is right. 28 weeks is rough, but you are with a good practice so you know they will take care of you, regardless of when it happens.
I will say some crazy cervix lengthening prayers for you. Okay, maybe I'm praying for something that's physiologically impossible, but shit people, what else can I do?
Swear as much you need too! I don't often swear in my journal either, so I know exactly how important it is when you DO swear. ;)
In fact, you should write some more...type every day, post every hour! (But do it all in bed or in that recliner you are speaking of).
That is certainly frightening. I am so sorry. I hope you caught it in time and, with bedrest and good care, will safely make it well into the bonus weeks.
Thank you for updating us.
fuck - that sucks! I don't curse much in real life but I think this situation warrants it. you are in my thoughts. take care.
Swear all you want - I'm here praying and crossing fingers and toes for you.
I don't think fuck even captures it! You better be typing this from your bed...
Seriously, let me know if you need me to bring anything by...
Fuck fuck fuck - and yea, as LJ said, you better be typing from bed. Jesus, here's hoping it'll slow down and give you more time.
fuck fuck fuck indeed! sending looooong good vibes your way. ack! take it easy!!!
Fuck, indeed. I am so sorry. Take care of yourself...
allow me to join the chorus. fuck fuck fuck. damnit, karen's cervix. we don't need to you be dynamic. we need you to be strong, stoic, and static! are you on bedrest now?
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I know how hard it is, because I dealt with it with my twins. At 20.5 weeks, I had less than 2 CM left, BUT, I was on strict bedrest and a terb pump, and made it all the way to 35 weeks on the dot. My boys are fine. You are at higher risk for sure, but nobody knows now how far you can make it, and it may well be past 28 weeks. That said, the bedrest itself will be very hard and uncomfortable. You can do this though - you are obviously a strong and capable woman, and you can complain to us all you want. Let people help you - now is a time to learn to accept help gracefully. It's really a good skill to have, and will always help you be a better friend to others in need after this difficult time has passed. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
P.S. you may want to check out http://www.sidelines.org/ if you haven't already for bedrest support from those who have been there. Also, in a few weeks, you'll be eligible for the fetal fibronectin test, which may give you some piece of mind. it was a godsend for me to take that test at 24 weeks and know we'd make it to 2, then take it again to know we'd make it to 28.
TOTAL FUCK!
Say fuck as much as you fucking need to say fuck, and fuck anyone who has a fucking problem with it.
And I'm telling your cervix to keep it's dynamism to a minimum - it can be as dynamic as it likes once you hit 34 weeks, dammit.
woman, for sure let it out! jeez...i know how scary a shortening cervix is...it sucks! your docs talking hospital bedrest anytime soon? man, i'm so sorry...i'm right there with ya!
OH SHIT..I am so sorry to read this post Karen. Are they talking about hosptial bedrest or putting you on any medication to try and stop the contractions?
Go on disability stay in bed be MORE agressive managing your body than the Dr. Says... go go go!
If I could send you a hug in the mail and some magic glue I would put the both in a box and send them. Praying for you and the babies. (would have said I was praying for your cervix but well that just sounds weird). My sister was a 28 weeker and she is a genius. Hang in there and you can say as many curse words as you would like. :)
If swearing keeps you calm then swear away! Have been reading your posts for a while and will keep my fingers crossed for you! It is amazing what they can do now a days to keep those babes in, your part is to keep calm and informed. Let everyone who can help, do so. You can do it! The best to you!
I'd say you are definitely allowed to swear at this point. Are they going to do anything about this dynamic cervix of yours?
I think fuck is the appropriate word.
Fuck. That is about all I can say, too.
I'll be keeping you and your little ones in my thoughts...
Oh fuck!! You aren't kidding, FUCK!! I would be swearing like crazy right now if I were you too! 28 weeks is so early! But thankfully you've got a Doc who knows what he's doing. I'm wishing you all the best, and hope that your cervix slows down!!
I second LJs sentiments- please let me know ifyou need anything! I'm just a quick drive away. Get loads of rest, and try not to stress too much (yeah, right!). I'm thinking about you!!
What does this mean for you now? Bedrest? Hospital bedrest?
I'll be hoping that dynamic cervix gets NO SHORTER.
I'm here if you need me, but you already know that. And swear all you want, after having 5 kids in 2 years, I understand your pain... I swear.
Oh fuck is right. I hope that now that you're not working, it will take some strain off your cervix and it'll stay where it is for the next 10 or so weeks. I'm praying for a healthy outcome for your babies.
oh merde! Take good care of yourself. You are a champ and I am sure you are going to go through this. Follow the advice of Emmie, lots of bed rest, join a support group, get help... We are thinking of you.
Fuck is right. I'm so sorry. Like LJ said, if you need me to do or bring anything, let me know. I'm home everyday all day.
Well, fuck.
Some things are worth swearing for.
Hoping you go beyond fucking 28 weeks and the little fucking babies are healthy.
this is gonna hurt, but I've got to say it: read your July 11th post back to yourself about feeling "alarmist" about setting a date to end work at the 24th week of pregnancy. And now look at where you are: at high risk for possibly getting the babies to just a mere 28 weeks. Sit on your ass, lay on your side, and DO NOTHING BUT BAKE BABIES from this moment on. Drink lots of water. And whatever you do, don't listen to the Dr.'s negativity (Sometimes, they have to scare people for them to actually listen to them)-- if you are brave enough and proactive enough, you just might beat the odds and get them to a longer gestation. For fuck's sakes, your babies deserve all of your attention right now.
I'm really sorry. I will be hoping like crazy that you make it far beyond 28 weeks.
Well that blows. Stupid cervix.
Thankfully you have an awesome team of doctors - hopefully they'll work their magic and keep that dynamic cervix under control!
I am so sorry this has happened. Oh and swear as much as you need to- here's hoping the bedrest flies by.
So sorry Karen. I will be praying for you and the babies.
This is why you should have listened to your doctor and quit working and taken it easy sooner...they know what they're talking about. Your obligation wasn't to proove you're superwoman by working right up until you deliver. Your obligation is to bring these babies into the world in a safe manner...meaning doing everything possible to let them "cook" as long as they can. If your doctor was being cautious...it was for a reason. He actually cares about your babies...
I'll join you: fuckity fuck fuck. Dynamic cervix, WTF is up with that? I'll be thinking good, positive thoughts.
That is fuck fuck fuck--there are no other words. I hope you get lots and lots of bonus days.
Can I ask one favour? Set up an email list of people in the area who want to help out and give the list to a friend. And when the babies come, let us jump into action and help you. Even if it's just dropping off a meal and scurrying away. The NICU experience can be so overwhelming--let people take some of the mundane tasks (like feeding yourself) off your hands. Put me on this email list.
Oh no! Take it easy. I'm hoping you go way beyond 28 weeks. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear this. Hang in there, rest as much as you can, and know you are in so many people's thoughts and prayers (including mine).
have they mentioned a cerclage like Suz had? or just a terb pump and the like? hang in there, we're all with you and remember you've beat all the odds up to this point so i'm sure you'll continue to do so!
You can say fuck all you want!
Please take it easy. Mel is right, set up help for when the babies are here NOW. You will be totally overwhelmed when they are here. I had only one in the NICU for 6 weeks and it was a blur. Let people feed you and take care of you as needed.
HUGS and prayers going out!
I've only recently found your blog and never commented, but wanted to add to the chorus of fucks and let you know I'm hoping that your dynamic cervix decides to become much more static. You're very much in my thoughts.
Fuck. I will pray for the lengthening of the cervix too. Do you need anything (that someone in the area could provide?)
I can swear in many languages.
I'll swear with you, babe.
Thinking of you Karen...
thinking of you and sending you lots of cervix lengthening vibes and hugs.
I am all for FUCK being used as the title. You must be pretty scared. I am sure they will take care of you the best way possible but this is scaary dammit!
Arggghhh, this just sucks.
Has anyone mentioned a hospital stay yet? Maybe they can give you some meds that will help?
I am hoping so much for you to make it to the 34 weeks.
Please let me know if you need anything. Anything at all! I will be there in a shot.
Yikes.
I've been reading your blog for awhile...and feel horrid about this news!!!
Not that it will make you feel any better, but I had a dynamic cervix at 19 weeks and was 1-2 cm dilated. I delivered at 38 weeks. Granted, I only had a single baby, but I just wanted to let you know that things can slow down.
With my second I was 3-4 cm dilated at 28 weeks...and made it until 39.
I'm praying for you and those babies!!!!! Keep 'em cookin!
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