Complaining

There are a lot of things I keep thinking I should write about, but I just never find the time anymore (whenever I'm home, I'm half-asleep). And when I do sit down to write, I can't think of any of the brilliant entries that I had dreamed up. So here's something completely different than I'd had in mind.

Domestic Tranquility
I will note that I have the most awesome husband on the planet. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's absolutely not possible that I have the most awesome husband since YOUR husband is obviously awesomer, but I assure you, my husband rocks. People keep saying to me that I must be super-woman to be dealing with a triplet pregnancy and a three and a half year old. I'm not super-woman. I just have a very understanding husband who does far more than his fair share of the work in this house on the best of days, and even more now that I have no energy left. That being said, I'm now going to whine about him, but fully cognizant of how lucky I have it. We got into an enormous fight today over absolutely nothing.

He didn't make it any better when he shouted (he never shouts) at me that maybe it wasn't HIM that was the problem. He's right of course; it's not him, it's me. I'm exhausted, I feel sick, I'm frustrated, I'm moody. And he stood in the way of my moodiness today through little fault of his own. But he really dug his hole when he followed that up with, "And yeah, I know, you're pregnant with triplets. Get over yourself." I screamed at him to get the hell away from me (except I wasn't that nice about it) and then burst into tears. A few minutes later he reminded me that he's supposed to go donate blood this afternoon and I told him to go. He walked out and I burst into tears and proceeded to have an all-out anxiety attack. And there is absolutely nothing you can do for an anxiety attack when you're pregnant. And there I was knowing full well that I'd dug that hole for myself but loathing him for being a jerk, though his reaction was still far more in line with reasonable than my own reaction was. I sobbed on my kitchen floor for an hour. AN HOUR. And I realized somewhere along the way that I really couldn't breathe and I contemplated what would happen if he came home and found me suffocating on the floor and then I panicked about whether it was even a possibility that I could suffocate right there on my kitchen floor, no matter how ridiculous a thought that was.

Pain, and a little more pain
And now my blinding migraine is even worse, my nausea is even more uncontrollable, I'm dizzy because he gave me codeine before our fight and I didn't have any food in my stomach, and it's damn hot in the house, except that last night I thought the same thing and he swore to me that it was actually quite cold in the house, so now I don't know if it's just me or if it's real, so I don't want to turn the air conditioning on in case it really is just me. (This me being hot thing is completely new.... I'm ALWAYS cold.) The thing that snapped me out of my ridiculousness on the floor of my kitchen was the sudden, unbelievable pain in right flank. I've had that pain for a bit and I know what it is. I'm nearly positive it's a kidney stone. I saw my urologist on Thursday and he said it's really common with pregnant women, but that it could also just be the uterus pushing on my kidney or ureter causing a blockage which causes pain. Either way, especially given my history, I should go in for a renal ultrasound on Tuesday as a baseline, since this is bound to happen again. Except now I feel stupid because after the pain during my hissy fit, I had to pee, because I always have to pee, and I'm pretty certain I passed that bouncing baby rock. Which, admittedly, is a relief. But I'll feel really dumb on Tuesday when I go for a renal ultrasound if they say, "everything looks great, what in the heck are you complaining about?" (Though the urologist had noted that sometimes pregnant women get severe flank pain and they never can identify why, so I'm sure he won't just think it's all in my head)

Other fun Symptoms
Just as I thought the nausea was going away, it's come back even more violently than before. Joy.

I've also mentioned already my need to pee every second of every day. And it doesn't matter if I've JUST been to the bathroom... if I sneeze, I leak. I know it's gross, but it's true, and I really expected that to happen a little later in the pregnancy, not NOW.

My allergies are out of control and Allegra has ceased working for me (this was true in my last pregnancy too). This means I'm sneezing more than usual, so you can imagine how well that's working out for me, given the previous symptom discussed.

Actually, that's enough. I have other symptoms, some less pleasant than others, but I'm feeling overwhelmed by my own negativity right now. I hate fighting with my husband and it ruins everything for me until I get over it. And besides, I really think I'm about to throw up, so sitting here at the computer is not helping. I hope you're all in better moods than I am right now.