Patience is a virtue I do not have

On Thursday I felt a little sheepish about coming in for a scan a bit early, since the bleeding that had been the whole reason for having such an early scan had largely subsided. On Friday I remembered why it is that God and I aren't on very good speaking terms these days. I'm not spotting anymore, I'm right back to all-out bleeding, which I discovered while in the middle of an off-site, 4 hour meeting when I couldn't slip out for extra "provisions" to take care of this problem.

I am trying to remind myself that this is exactly what happened in my last pregnancy and the bleeding in the last pregnancy never pointed to a problem. I'm trying to remind myself that my miscarriage happened at 12 weeks, so early bleeding was of no consequence. I'm trying to remind myself that 20-30% of pregnant women have first trimester bleeding and that 50% of those women carry to term, but when I think about it that way, the statistics actually don't sound all that promising. I'm trying to remind myself that being alarmist and frantic about this won't change a thing. Either everything is fine or it isn't. If it isn't, there isn't anything anyone can do about it. I'm trying to remember that.

It's hard to remember all of that when you are awakened in the middle of the night in sheer agony with cramping that won't stop. It's hard to remember all of that when this is all going on. It's hard to remember all of that when yes, I do have a bladder infection, but my doctor suspects it's because I might have another kidney stone. Yes, I said "another" kidney stone. I lost count after my twelfth kidney stone. I get them all the time. Oh and hey! There's nothing I can do about it so long as the evidence points to the possibility that I'm pregnant. Even though, you know, I'm having a really hard time remembering that it's not over yet.

The worst thing is that if this doesn't all go South soon, I'm going to look back at this post and think that I'm a complete and total whiner and that I really needed to get a life and quit complaining. Because I have no good reason to believe that things aren't absolutely fine. Except, you know, that I'm about to buy stock in whatever company manufactures Always pads. But that's no reason to worry, right? Because apparently, this is what I do when I'm pregnant.

P.S. ... is it possible that pregnancy is making my allergy medicine stop working? Could it be? Because it has stopped working entirely. Seems like a really stupid pregnancy symptom.