Monday, January 21, 2008

To Anonymous

Two posts in one night! Imagine that!

In my last post, Anonymous asked, "Why are you leaving the babies to go back to work??? Who is keeping them and is it really cost effective?" A couple people got defensive, rightfully so, on my behalf and anonymous responded again with, "UMMMM....I don't know why everyone is so defensive...I was asking a serious question and wanting a valid response..."

Now, part of me doesn't want to dignify this with a response because the tone of both of these comments is quite condescending and rude. And this is clearly someone who doesn't read my posts very often or very thoroughly because the post RIGHT BEFORE THAT ONE CLEARLY EXPLAINED THE WHOLE WORK THING. So I suggest, Anonymous, that you simply go and read this post:

http://perkyovary.blogspot.com/2008/01/doctors-galore-and-your-questions.html

Scroll down to the part that says "Your Questions Answered" and then I even suggest reading the comments and seeing some of the other folks' in the blogosphere's perspective on this issue.

The tone of your initial question, "why are you leaving the babies?" is rather accusatory. You make it seem like I'm doing something selfish without thinking of them. But I AM thinking of them. I was thinking that I would prefer that they live in a house rather than a tent and I happen to know that we cannot afford to pay our mortgage with just one salary. I have been out of work for seven months (three months on bed rest and four months since they were born) and we are out of reserves. We are out of money. If I were to stay home another month, we couldn't continue to buy food, and I'm NOT exaggerating. Was it really necessary for you to add THREE question marks after your question? I understood you were asking a question without the extra punctuation. All you did was express your incredulity with those extra question marks which added to the accusatory nature of your question, which is why people jumped down your throat and defended me.

As for whether it's cost effective, that is really none of your fucking business and I'm so damn tired of that question. But here is the final word on that question: Yes. It is cost effective. My nanny is well-paid, but not as well paid as I am. I have a longer explanation of the long-term cost effectiveness in the above-referenced post.

But do you know what REALLY pisses me the hell off? Your statement that you want a "valid" response. Fuck you. Seriously. I don't curse a lot in my blog, really, but you deserve it. I don't owe you any explanation at all, valid or otherwise. Going back to work is MY decision. If I go back to work just because I ENJOY work that's a valid enough explanation for anyone, dammit. As it happens, I have NO desire to return to work, but I NEED to return to work and I don't owe you (or anyone else) any explanation.

And I don't give a damn whether that's valid according to your definition.

36 comments:

My Reality said...

I commend you on this response. Once again, you rock!!! And yes, I used 3 exclamation points for emphasis, because you do rock that much. :)

Audrey said...

Well said!

megan said...

nicely said, Karen. good for you.

Kirsten said...

From one working mom of multiples (just twins here!) to another...amen!!!

chicklet said...

Wow, that's a rockin post. Nice one.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for clarifying!!! Obviously this is a touchy subject for you...I was asking an innocent question as to why you would return to work, since it is so obvious that you love being a stay at home Mommy. Hope you have a nice evening!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I had to read back and make sur eyou weren't referring to me as the anonymous...since I did as a similar question last time...and I'd never have required a "valid" answer.

As long as your babies are well cared for I don't think anyone has the right to judge what a parent does. That said...when I asked a couple posts ago about how working was cost effective...I wasn't looking for a literal answer...I was just expressing surprise.

Anyway it wasn't me this time...good to know...but you had me wondering!!

Take Care,
Allie

Rachel Inbar said...

I agree with your response but I'm sorry that women in general have to feel defensive about their decisions.

As a WAHM who could theoretically have my kids home, my answer is that everyone has a solution that works best for them...

It works best for me to have my kids in daycare and as long as my husband and I agree about it, it's really no one else's business.

whattoexpect said...

I kind of like it when you swear.

Nice post. You hit the nail (or troll) right on the head.

Meghan said...

Very well said!!!

Shelby said...

Very well said!!

Erin said...

Hear, hear!

Bean said...

Bravo. Hope your first day back was ok.

pam said...

ha ha, awesome. i can't wait until we make our trip up to your area of the country so we can all meet. it will happen, one day. :)

Helen said...

I too am getting ready to blog about this, too - I met with similar spectacular crap from a woman last year when I wrote that I would be going back to work.

It kills me that people feel they have the right to judge other people's siutuations. Just because you blog about some aspects of your life doesn't give people the right to presume to know other aspects. Your response was great, and I could feel your indignation - and am indignant for you, too - in the whole post.

You also could've answered to the "Why am I leaving the babies to go back to work?" as "Because I'm back in pole dancing, form, and it's about time. I taught the babies to hitchhike. It'll be fine. They can visit me for a bucket of wings and a beer every other Thursday."

Of course, with such rabid punctuation, the anonymous commenter likely would've thought you were serious.

*sigh*

infertilepediatrician said...

Great post! I just came back to work 2 weeks ago (I have an 11 week old and my partner is expecting twins) and I too got a nasty post (wonder if it's the same bitter woman who obviously has issues and thus goes around posting nasty comments on working moms blogs). I decided not to justify her post with a blog about it but I've been steaming about it for days now. She was down right mean to me and really is there a need to be so mean to someone who is 10 weeks post partum. Anyway, enough about me - way to go on getting things out! You rock!

Another DC Karen said...

Karen,

I've never met you (obviously) but I think your blog is the best.

singletracey said...

GREAT Response.. sorry people keep buggin you on that one.. I dont understand why they keep asking...

amber said...

i am usually a lurker, but i just wanted to say that i applaud you in your response. i don't have kids, but i am also aware of the fact that every woman is different and so long as the mother and father are comfortable with the childcare decisions, it's nobody's business.

all the best when you go back to work as i'm sure it won't be easy, but as many moms have told me "you do what you have to do."

{{hugs}}

The Dunn Family said...

Hell yeah! You tell 'em!

Anonymous said...

So how was your first day of work away from your babies????

Anonymous said...

Yasher koach!

Jessica said...

heh. You rock.

Jody said...

Jessica is right, you do rock.

Casey's trio said...

Good for you!

SaraS-P said...

Yeah! You tell that coward "Anonymous" who is boss!

OHN said...

I always find it amusing that these people always post as anonymous.

Marie-Baguette said...

those anonymous posts are so aggravating.... Thanks for posting pictures of your family, the kiddies are so cute! Congratulations again, they are obviously thriving! You are a star.

lucky #2 said...

Good for you. If I were you, I'd remove the anonymous post option then you don't have to hear from the e-haters who like to judge everyone else's decisions.

That's exactly why I recently went password protected.

Stacie said...

Nothing quite like condescending anonymous cowards who misuse punctuation to irritate the crap out of, oh, lots of people. Including me.

Go you!

Suzanne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suzanne said...

its been forever since i have visited...and WAY TOO LONG!
oh gawd. i laughed so hard i nearly pissed my pants...if ONLY i had HALF of your punctuation to be perfectly clear to all those anonymous haters who are SO brave and bold to post such outlandish and IGNORANT comments. YOU are AWESOME. Well put. Nothing else left to say! ;) i LOVE the babies--adorable! You rock the hell out of work and don't let some ignorant fool make you feel the LEAST bit guilty (which, of course, i'm SURE you're NOT!)

Jen4 @ Amazing Trips said...

I was going to say "poop on 'em", but I think Fuck Off sums it up even better.

Re: your littlest bean, our Elizabeth has always been behind the other two in growth. But so long as she is eating and pooping and happy, I would try not to worry (I know easier said then done). They are adorable. Did you ever imagine they'd be so cute?!

Nearlydawn said...

You GO girl! LOL I'm just reading your blog for the first time, but I gotta say, like your spunk! :)

Joy said...

I LOVE this post! Good for you! I get so sick of the anonymous posters who think they have a right to question your decisions! People need to remember that reading your blog is a privilege and they have no right to tell you how to live your life! I admire you...

BTW - your babies are adorable!!! You are a wonderful mommy and are a great example to the rest of us triplet moms!

Miss Fruitfly said...

I'm kind of surprised some women are still asking such a stupid question. I grew up in the '80's when my mom and ALL of my friends moms worked. Some because they had to others because they wanted to.

I just found your blog today...thank you for being so honest. It's a great blog.