Thursday, April 19, 2007

Lessons Learned

Generally speaking, I don't freak out about bleeding. As you can see from my two previous posts, this did not ring true today. I started cramping, discovered I was bleeding (not lightly) and freaked the hell out. Normally I'm pretty calm about these things, realizing that if something's wrong, there's not a darned thing that can be done about it, and knowing that probably nothing is wrong. But today? No such sense of serenity. Nope, I called my husband and burst into tears as soon as he answered his phone. I was near panic when I called my OB's office, though I managed a facade of calm as I spoke with the answering service. I nearly burst into tears in the waiting room at the OB's office, something which would have utterly mortified me had it actually happened.

And what lesson have we learned, boys and girls?

Obviously I'm growing quite attached to my three little parasites, troublemakers that they are. There is absolutely no way I can reduce this pregnancy under the circumstances that I have. There is no way. I want to be clear that this is a personal decision of mine. This isn't judging any decisions anyone else has ever made or will make. Every circumstance is different. Every person has their own needs to weigh. I've done my risk analysis. I've weighed my issues. And what I realized was that today all I could think was that I might have lost one and I freaked the hell out. Which means that for me, reduction is not an option right now.

So at least that's settled.

Beyond that, I'm okay. The cramping has not abated, but the bleeding has calmed down. I feel a bit foolish for flipping out so badly, but on the other hand, that's why I have doctors. My doctors are all there to take care of me if things go wrong. And it's not like I won't be getting a bill for today's services, so it's not like I inconvenienced anyone. So here's the second lesson I've learned today: it's okay to be high maintenance. I hate being a high maintenance patient. I feel like a hypochondriac enough as it is. But the thing is, I am pregnant with triplets. Triplets are a high risk pregnancy. I am therefore, by definition, a high maintenance patient, like it or not. I will have to learn that I'm not going to be one of those cute little pregnant women who never has a problem and spends her last trimester walking a mile a day because I can't stand being cooped up or need to walk off that bloated feeling after I eat (there's a chick in my community who walked a mile every day up until the day before her delivery because she couldn't handle how full she felt after eating). That won't be me. I'm going to have to learn to accept help, and more importantly, I'm going to have to learn how to ask for help when I need it.

It's okay to be high maintenance. It's okay to admit I'm attached to the little monsters.


Chili said...

You're darn right it's okay to be high maintenance in your shoes, and I'm glad you see that super clearly. There's nothing wrong with running to the doctor for every twitch and discharge, if that's what makes you comfortable! I'm glad you're feeling better, and confident in your decision. I hope I can have the same strength if I'm ever in your shoes. :)

Anonymous said...

If you think you are high maintenance now, just wait until you get further into this pregnancy! ;)

Bottom line, you will do whatever you have to for your babies. No doctor could ever fault you for that.

Adrienne said...

Absolutely be as high-maintenance as you need to be. You're carrying triplets for goodness-sake! And, as you already pointed out, you're paying for this so they should give you the care you need. I'm so glad the bleeding has slowed.

Anonymous said...

You are doing great!
I hope you can see, as you read over your collected postings, how well you really are doing at handling all of this. It's impressive.

Mands said...

This post really made me smile. Yes you're having triplets and yes it's high risk. It's also friggin' wonderful.
I'm so glad you're starting claim your rights as a mother of triplets! And also that the bleeding has slowed down. Heaven knows, even I've become attached to the little critters :-)

Jody said...

I'm just catching up on the emergency now. I'm glad all is still well, I swear the same exact thing happened to me (the cramping is particularly scary -- but get used to the weird twinges, because your muscles don't like what's happening, no uterus is meant to grow that fast and the ligaments will do a number on you), and I hope it all calms down VERY SOON.

I agree, btw, run to the doctor whenever you need to. That's why you're going to be paying them the very big bucks.

Thalia said...

I'm glad you've come to that realisation. The docs are there to help you, and you are not having a normal pregnancy. Let's hope it's a succsesful pregnancy, nonetheless.

Chris said...

First of all, I'm so glad that everything is okay with you and your parasites.

Second of all you are doing what you have to do to take care of your babies - embrace it!

Leah said...

Be as high maintenance as you want to be. After all, you are caring for FOUR people's lives here so that clearly warrants lots of attention. Don't ever, ever feel guilty about that. I'm glad to hear you are at peace with your decision, and will be waiting with baited breath to hear the results of today's NT scan.

SaraS-P said...

Be as high maintenance as you need to be!

I hope everything is ok. I am getting a little attached to your parasites, too! (But your needs are more important than mine, of course, since, after all, I am not the one carrying triplets!)

twirl said...

So glad things are ok with you and the parasites!

There's nothing at all "high maintenance" about calling on bleeding& cramping. Not with any pregnancy, triplet or otherwise. You're supposed to call!

Also, Dr. P sounds like quite an ass.

Twisted Ovaries said...

It's okay to admit I'm attached to the little monsters.

We reached the same conclusion on nearly the same day.

It's going to be a long ride, eh?

I'm pleased for you though. There has to be some kind of catharsis in the moving forward now, yes, things are not going to be easy, especially as you are the Patron Saint of Bleeding, but the indecision and choices must have been killing you. Here's to peace, yeah? *raises virtual margarita*

suzanne said...

oh gosh, if i could only learn that lesson as well! and it doesn't help that i'm a nurse! i'm still a freaked out mother when it comes to my little quads as well! you go ahead!

lisalou said...

Darn tooting it's okay!