But really, how am I?

As several of you noted on my last post, I am calm. Unbelievably, inexplicably, undeniably calm. I'm not even entirely sure why. It really doesn't make any sense. I mean, last week I was completely hysterical. But then again, we discovered three gestational sacs on a day my husband was out of town and also on a day we discovered that his car was definitely dead and in need of replacement, which sent me into such a panic by itself that I was near hyperventilation (very unusual for me... I've got a quick temper, but I'm not usually one for histrionics).

But here I am. There is nothing I can do about my present situation. I am currently pregnant with triplets. I will either stay that way or I won't. Either it will resolve itself naturally or it won't. And meanwhile, we will do as much research as possible to decide what options we have or don't have. To that end I have:

1. Sent an email to my Rabbi requesting a meeting ASAP. This is a terrible time to ask this of him, given that it is almost Passover, but it is essential that we speak with him in a timely manner. He may tell us we have no options at all, which will render any other decision making moot. My understanding, however, is that under our specific circumstances, halacha isn't so black-and-white about this.

2. I have set up an appointment with my OB for this Friday at 7:50 am. The office closest to my house gave me all sorts of stress about getting an appointment, and they heard the word "triplets" and freaked out. They offered me an appointment for April 17th. So I called the office closer to my office and lucked out. The person helping me heard the word "triplets" and said she would work me in ASAP. So Friday at 7:50 it is.

3. I have made an appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist (perinatologist). I made the appointment with the doctor that Dr. Amazing wants me to speak with about selective reduction. I have no intention of only speaking to him about selective reduction, however. I want to hear from him what I can expect of a triplet pregnancy and what risks would be involved with carrying all three. There seems to be a lot of variance in medical studies about whether reduced triplets fare that much better than triplets that are not reduced. It is much more clear-cut in the medical literature with quadruplets. (And no way would I consider quadruplets!) Then I want to hear about the risks/benefits of selective reduction. But I am by no means committing to such a decision. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm really not. My appointment, unfortunately is for 11:30 on April 2nd. That's several hours before Passover, but I can't put it off much longer than that anyway. So I'll just have to make sure I'm completely ready for Passover on April 1st, which was my goal anyway.

And that's where I am. Right now, I just want to make sure all my options are laid out before me. I want to make sure I have all the information I need. I want to make sure I'm not rushing into any decisions. And I want to make sure that I'm not acting emotionally, but rather, really understanding what's going on and how to deal with it. A triplet pregnancy is not the end of the world, but it is still scary to me. I don't like imagining my future children struggling for life in an incubator, and frankly, that's really all I can think of right now when I try to figure out how I feel about this whole thing. Which is why I'm trying not to think about it too much, until I've got all the information before me.

One thing's for sure... a lot can happen. I have another ultrasound in a week, and for all I know things will have naturally resolved themselves to twins by then. I'm not counting on it, but my worries may be for nothing. It definitely seems clear that I'll at least be having twins, so no matter what, I'm going to be reading up on multiple pregnancy/birth/etc.

Thanks for bearing with me. I know this is a blessing. I know that I haven't been given more than I can handle. I know that things will work out in whatever way they are meant to. And I know that there isn't much I can do to change the outcome just yet anyway. So it will be as it needs to be.

Oh, as for other stuff...
1. I'm still bleeding, but I've decided to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it's light spotting, sometimes it's heavy. It hasn't changed at all since the beginning. I will assume this is just "what I do" when I'm pregnant. Someday I'd like to know WHY I do this, but for now it's not important.
2. I'm not feeling particularly nauseated, which is a miracle. I'm a bit queasy, but nothing I'd call real nausea.
3. I'm utterly, completely, indescribably exhausted and I expect this will only get worse.
4. I'm having a very hard time sleeping.
5. My hips are in agony, which makes no sense, because it's certainly too early for anything to be spreading out.
6. I have lost almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant. I'm down 29 pounds since last July. I lost 19 pounds while I was pregnant the last time. This is not a recommended diet plan, by the way.
7. I am never hungry. I am always thirsty. My need to pee regularly appears to be strictly related to how much I'm drinking.