Various and Sundry

Point the First:

I have dutifully added 18 IUs to my Follistim dose last night and tonight. I am quite irked about it, because I don't entirely understand the point, as this is quite a deviation from my previous cycles and everything seemed to be looking good. However, it's my own fault that I don't know what was going on, because I couldn't hear half of what the nurse was saying because J was screaming in the background.

Point the second:
The Follistim is really getting to me this time. Every cycle I have one or two shots where I hit a nerve or something, so the shot hurts. But well over half of my shots this cycle have really hurt, and not just for a second... I mean for an hour. It's not unbelievable amounts of pain and certainly not incapacitating. Just ouchy. Plus, this pain in my right side, which I suspect is caused by that obnoxiously huge follicle that's growing, is very annoying. Or maybe I'm just cranky and looking for something to complain about.

Point the Third:
My husband sent me a link to a CNN article about car seat safety. The article points out that most rear-facing infant car-seats on the market failed crash tests using tougher standards than the government uses, Consumer Reports said Thursday. In fact, of the 12 rear-facing infant car seats that were tested, a full TEN failed. This is startling news, but I couldn't help but notice the subject line of his email: "Something to keep in mind..."

As startling as the article is, I was more startled by that seemingly innocuous subject line. It shows such optimism. Optimism that I simply can't bring myself to have. I have absolutely no faith that there will ever come a time that this information will be relevant in my life. I mean, the statistics are on my side. But then again, the statistics said that if I saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks (check!), got to 8 weeks without a miscarriage (check!) and everything was fine at almost-12 weeks on ultrasound (check!) that odds were I wouldn't have a miscarriage. Yeah. See what I mean? Statistics just don't help me. I just never seem to be on the good side of statistics. What are the odds that a 19 year old, healthy girl will get a kidney stone? Well, that's when I got my first. My first of over a dozen kidney stones. And hey, what are the odds that a 30 year old chick will be able to say she literally lost count of the number of kidney stones she's had after passing a dozen? And what are the odds of having a miscarriage for no good reason at 12 weeks? Right.

MY POINT, which I seem to have diverged from (sorry about that) is that S has this unbelievable optimism and I'm not even sure he realizes it. It would absolutely never occur to me to mentally file that CNN article for future reference. Because it never occurs to me that I'll ever have an infant to put into a rear-facing infant car seat. Ever. Even though intellectually I have complete faith that someday, something will work and I'll be pregnant again. Somehow, I lack the instinctive awareness that the "odds are" that I'll have an infant someday. And that's pretty sad, I think.