One more before bed

Earlier today, I read a post reflecting on where things were a year ago in the realm of fertility fun. Oddly, I'd just been thinking of writing a very similar post, because it was just about exactly a year ago that I walked into Shady Hell Fertility Shmertility Clinic and started working with the fabulous Dr. T. And here I am, a year later, finally a pregnancy, sadly a miscarriage, a year older, but not a lot wiser. So where was I a year ago? Here's the response I wrote, which I may flesh out more later, but I wanted to record it here so I don't forget about it:

Where was I a year ago? Gosh. A year ago, we'd been trying to conceive for three years and we'd had five wholely unsuccessful Clomid cycles. My OB/GYN wanted to do one more round of Clomid before referring me to the fertility clinic. I pissed her off by taking matters into my own hands and just going straight to the fertility clinic.

Almost exactly year ago I was getting 14 vials of blood drawn before I could start any fertility treatment. I was having an entirely uneventful HSG. I was still then horrified by having transvaginal ultrasounds (I've probably had another 60 or so since then, so I'm far less horrified).

A year ago I wasn't any more optimistic than I am today. I went into each cycle already planning the next. A year ago, my doctor was telling me I'd never need IVF and that a few rounds of IUI and I'd be pregnant. A year ago I had no idea what to think.

A year ago, I had never contemplated having a miscarriage. In fact, I had just figured I'd never get pregnant, so a miscarriage was inconceivable (no pun intended).

A year ago I had a blog no one knew about (now defunct), but knew very few infertiles in the blogosphere. I never figured I'd be one of "them"... I just never figured I'd make it very far at all.

I realize now, after three failed IUIs and a theoretically successful one which resulted in a miscarriage one day into my second trimester, that I actually have far more optimism than I did at the beginning of this process. When we first started trying to conceive (almost exactly four years ago), it never occurred to me that I would ever get pregnant. Now I can't wait for the next time.

All in all, I think I'm in a better place today than I was a year ago. And I'm very grateful for that.