2ww?

It's cliche for me to bitch about the two-week-wait, right? I mean, we all know how this is going to turn out, so what's the suspense, really? My beta is scheduled for August 14th. We all know I won't be able to overcome to the compulsion to pee on anything that looks like a stick in my house for the next two weeks. We all know that I'll never see that elusive 2nd line. And we all know that on the 14th, immediately after I get the call in which the nurse tries to pussy-foot around saying that "unfortunately, the beta was negative" my period will start.

Right.

So all that's left to feel anxious about is: what next?

I bullied my RE into agreeing that my next cycle would be an IVF cycle, which would mean when my period arrives, I start three weeks of birth control pills, wait for CD1, and whee! An IVF cycle. And that's still appealing. And I'm still utterly, completely, ridiculously paralyzed by the PIO shots afterward. I have no idea why. I mean, when I started injectibles for the IUI cycle, I wanted to throw up. In fact, I did throw up at the very thought of taking them. But after one or two, I was an old pro, it rarely even stings anymore, and my husband doesn't laugh at my bruised belly anymore. So why on earth do the PIO shots terrify me??

My paralyzing fear of the PIO shots is the only reasonable explanation for the occasional thoughts I have of maybe, just maybe, trying just one more IUI. I mean, what could it hurt? I'm theoretically young. I'm thirty, though granted, I'll be 31 when my due date rolls around if this IUI actually did any good. Everyone tells me that 30 is young by reproductive standards, even though I feel like an arthritic old maid. So it's not like I don't have the time to waste, right? Um, of course right. I think. Maybe. Except TICK TOCK. But what if five really is the magic number? Maybe it really will work on the fifth try! Wouldn't it be a shame to waste that opportunity by jumping into an IVF cycle?

Except then the rational side of me takes over... I will probably have better odds of success with IVF, so who cares if it's overkill? Who cares if it adds another three weeks to time between cycles? Who cares if the fifth IUI could have worked anyway? Who cares if the timeline for IVF could help me avoid messing with Passover plans!? (the end of an IVF cycle at this point would probably be late September, placing my due date in June, which would mean we could proceed with plans to go away for Passover again... I know... who the hell cares if we can't go away for Passover if it's for a good reason like impending labor & delivery, but you know, this is my fantasy here, so work with me here!)

Golly. I just do not know what to do. Not a bit.